I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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