god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
