So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
