He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
