We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize