After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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