I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
