Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
