I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
