I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
