Ambien. No doubt about it.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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