I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
