remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
