i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
birth control should be required to get into college
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
