Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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