Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
