the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
