I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This house was built for laser tag.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
