how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize