I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Randomize
