My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
