oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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