Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
