Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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