I bet he comes in French.
My hand turned me down
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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