Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
