Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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