We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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