I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
