I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
