His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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