i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
