based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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