The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
