Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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