Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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