before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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