I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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