i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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