Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
