just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
