I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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