And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
