My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
