Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
