do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
