I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
