i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
