My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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