ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
