we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
