oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
