So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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