Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
