Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
