I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I am one with the molecules
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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