so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
