I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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