you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
