why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
