At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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