I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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