whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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