Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
