Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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