if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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