I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
