i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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