bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
