we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
