Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
