hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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