i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize