It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize